The 'L' Word

"So, before I give myself more time to over analyze (a common pastime of mine) and go through ever possible what if situation in my head I'm just going to go for it. For once I'm just going to say how I feel and worry about the consequences later. I love you too Sab." - Sorcha G. Dubhsioc, August 15, 2010

I love you.

Three of the most common words in the English language. In all their varied forms they can create an infinity of meanings but they never seem so powerful as when they're strung together. I've said that sentence countless time before to family and friends, both in sincerity and sarcasm. However, the way I said it on August 15, 2010 was very different from any way I'd ever said it before.

That's the great and terrible thing about the word love. It's not a constant. The way you love your dog is not the same way you love ice cream or the way you love that book you just read. Other languages tend to get more specific with their definitions of love like querer and amar in Spanish or eros and agape in Greek.

That's why love is so complicated. It's easy to know that you love but it's hard to know why, how, or even if you should. I loved Sabrael from the moment I met him but the love I have now is not the same as it was then. It's not even the same as it was last month or last week. Love is not static, it's dynamic and always changing. It is when love becomes fixed and settled that it begins to die.

I can't give you tips or clues. I can't tell you how to hold onto your love forever, I'm not even sure if I know how to do that for myself. Love just doesn't work that way. Just as it is different among all the things that you 'love' it's different among all the people who love. That's because love isn't an emotion. It's a conglomeration of feelings, experiences, interpretations, and observations. It's messy and complicated and irrational. It will never be easy but that's what makes it fun.

Considering how severe my control issues are, telling you that I loved you, Sabrael, was one of the scariest things I've ever done in my life. And every day I'm so grateful that I did. Every day I tell it to you again not to remind you but because every day I fall in love with you all over again. And I never want that to end.

So until next time add all the words for love to your custom dictionary and have a great weekend.

P.S. - Per usual, this week came bundled up with it's own set of problems and difficulties but still I woke up this morning with a huge smile on my face as I thought of you. You've been so patient and gentle with me and I can't tell you what that meant to me. It was nice having a bit of a week off from crazy projects and just be able to relax with you in my down time. I'm really excited though about the next few articles we have coming up and I can't wait to work on them with you. Oh! Also, congrats on landing the new job! I'm so proud of you! I know you'll be amazing at it. <3

New Years Resolutions

Resolutions. The thing which everyone makes and nobody keeps. Though in all honesty, how many people do you know that make resolutions they intend to keep? Everyone says they will lose 10 pounds or read through the whole Bible or make a better effort to be organized or something equally dull. In reality, though these may all be honorable endeavors are they really things people want to do? There are enough things in our lives that we feel compelled to do shouldn’t resolutions be about things you genuinely want to do? Those things that make you happy that always seem to get pushed aside under the mountain of other obligations. So this year we’re making our resolutions together and we’ve decided to share them with you both as inspiration for your own resolutions and as a way of remembering and holding ourselves accountable. Because sometimes enjoying life is hard work. ^ ^

Sabrael’s Resolutions

Resolution the first: Limit the number of planned projects. More often than not I get ideas for projects left and right, and almost immediately they all go into planning phase and end up bottle necking projects I already had set-up, meaning I end up getting nothing done. I need to figure out a system for myself on how to efficiently streamline the idea process on my projects. And so the rules of this resolution are as follows: If I get an idea for a projects I am going to write it down with a few notes on what I had in mind when it came to me. It’ll stay there until another project is out of planning and a project spot becomes available. I will keep my number of planned projects to 4, and I must never have more than this, but I can have fewer than this if I find that one project is a big enough work load to keep me busy.

Resolution the second: Learn to archive old notes and ideas instead of deleting them. I find that I have old ideas and notes floating around in various places and more often than not I end up erasing them, and making a document that eventually also gets erased, only to find that sometime later I want those notes back and neither my document nor my original source are available. I need to realize that redundancy isn’t always a bad thing. And so the rules of this resolution are as follows: Whenever I stumble across notes or documentation of something that I am not working on, and don’t see myself working on soon, I will make redundant backups just in case. One will be on GoogleDocs, another on my personal website as a simple text file, and the last two will be files on both my computer and my private server’s DataSpace. If I have the opportunity, I will also print a hard copy and stash that away in an accordion file, but that one might not be very often.

Resolution the third: Maintain a self schedule and stick to it. I am very prone to distractions. And sadly it isn’t as simple as getting caught up in browsing the web or clicking that lovable StumbleUpon button. No, my distractions involve finding a new site and exploring it, or getting a new game with potential for fictional work, or the worse one yet, going headfirst into a project and ignoring everything else that needs to be done. I want to divide my time up into my various projects and obsessions, even if it means I only get a small amount time with each one, I’d like to see progress all around. And so the rules of this resolution are as follows: In any given week, I will spend at the very least 3 hours on any one project or hobby. I can spend more time on them, but only after each item has been given its allotment.

Sorcha’s Resolutions

The First Resolution: The 12 Goals. I know I’ve talked occasionally on this blog about how over the past few years I’ve gone through some real highs and lows with my depression. It shut me down, essentially. I passed up some great opportunities and let a lot of good people fall through my fingers. I know that those are things I won’t ever be able to get back but I can make a conscious decision not to let it happen again. So every month I’m going to make myself a goal. It’s going to be something I want to do, learn, see, visit, buy, explore, etc and I’m going to make it happen. It can be done by myself or with others but I’m not going to let anything stop me from completing my goals and trying something new. The rules dictate that the goal must be chosen by the first of the month to keep me from BSing something at the last minute. The goals don’t necessarily have to be something I haven’t done before but they at least have to be done in a new way. They also have to be something I enjoy doing but something that would be at least slightly challenging to complete.

The Second Resolution: Write Daily. Over the summer I was introduced to a website I absolutely love called 750words. It’s a journaling website where the goal is to write 750 words (about 2-3 pages) a day. At the end of every entry it makes charts and graphs of your mood, concerns, and content which you can share with others but all of your entries themselves are entirely private. I started off really strong on 750words, making it to an 80 day streak before technical difficulties broke my record. I got very discouraged by this and kept trying to pick it up again but something always distracted me from it. I got lazy, copying and pasting text to make the goal and really that’s entirely against the point. Sab and I are planning to set up a prompt system to help me keep on track. The rules dictate that all content submitted to 750words but be written that day. It doesn’t have to be creative writing specifically but that is what is preferred and, along with personal journaling, should make up the biggest percentage of articles. Homework cannot be copied and pasted for filler content. At least one prompt should be used per week and at least two entries should be journal.

The Third Resolution: Choose Active Entertainment Over Passive. Netflix and YouTube, like most things, are some of my greatest joys and biggest distractions. I have something playing on my computer almost constantly, even when I’m not really paying attention. Just to give you an idea, I finished watching five seasons of Buffy in about two months. Two months that were interspersed with school and work no less. I’m not saying that I’m going to give up my show addictions but I need to keep a better eye on it. I also need to keep my mindless internet stumbling to a minimum. If I’m not working or playing with something specific I should find something else to do. I need to make it a point to read more books, work on more of my crafts, go to new museum exhibitions, play games with my friends. It’s time to take back control over my brain again. The rules dictate that I should limit my online video watching to around 10 hours per week. Also if I realize that I’m just aimlessly wandering the internet I should cut myself off after an hour. School and writing work should take priority but after that’s finished I need to find something else to keep my mind busy.

And there you have it, our resolutions. Simple but progressive. It goes to show that with a little help from a loving partner, you can help enforce your resolutions on yourself. Of course, it helps if these resolutions are reasonable, as opposed to dramatic and over the top. Some people might say that relying on someone to help you with a resolution you made to yourself, a challenge you chose to take on, is a sign of weakness, or a lack of resolve. Hardly, if you can’t rely on the person you love in times of need, then who can you rely on? So until next time, promise to format your flash drives, and have a Happy and Safe New Years.

P.S. To all our readers out there, thank you for reading! We started in October, and this ends our 3rd Month of Love 2.0. Feel free to post your comments and questions here, or at our new e-mail addresses linked below in our profiles. Also, I’d like to point out our new web address at http://digitalromance.co.cc. It is official, we are here for a while still. Be sure to update your bookmarks and take care.