Red String Nightmares, Part 1

Allow me to explain a few details that you may like to know before I begin. She was complicated. She was my ex. Now twice ex. She was the love of my life, she owned me in ways she herself may probably never know. She was special to me in many ways, and without warning, she broke me. Tossing me aside like garbage, one night we were love birds on a honeymoon, the next, I was sitting in the grass, shaking from an invisible cold wondering why my world was being destroyed. She broke me, made me empty and hollow. I doubted I could ever love anyone like I once loved her. I grew depressed, I grew sick, and I was more tired than I had ever been in my life.

Needless to say, this was a woman who ruined my life, and for a long time, she never even entered my thoughts until that night. It was August 10th, 2010. I woke up and I stared long and hard at the ceiling. I had a dream about her. Something that hadn’t happened in a long while. And I didn’t know why. I was 10 days in Los Angeles, and true, my girlfriend at the time was completely missing. We hadn’t spoken since the first, when we said our goodbyes at the airport. But the dream wasn’t bad, it was so casual, and that was what bothered me. So in the back of my head she lingered, and I had this overwhelming urge to see her, speak to her, try and have a civil conversation. But I also knew that would be impossible, I knew if I saw her my frustration and anger would bubble to the surface and I wouldn’t be able to be civil with her. So I didn’t even give the thought any action. But still she bothered me, she remained in my thoughts all day, and she distracted me.

But something great happened. I sat down at my laptop, and the greatest person in the world was online. Sorcha was always someone I was glad to talk to, and despite initial reservations in our conversation, she soon learned of all my thoughts, even those I had yet to admit t anyone else. She helped me collect my mind, gather my thoughts and made my day much easier. Keep in mind that this was 5 days before we became official. But that day, I felt something special stir in me. With her words she took my heart and breathed love into it. She quelled my worries and I felt renewed. I felt like the world was in my reach, and Sorcha was the one who put it there. She knew more of my dark history than I ever cared to admit to anyone else at the time, and she didn’t run away. She didn’t see me as odd or strange. She accepted me, something few people who knew the truth could. And while I didn’t say it then, that was one of the days I longed to have her by my side, so I could take her into my arms and hold her close and tell her how much she truly meant to me. This was one of the moments that drew our red string of fate taught, and brought us closer. I would never have opened myself up to anyone else, and I am glad I did with her. It still means so much to me now. If you ever feel like you can’t share something, always share it with the one you love, they can surprise you with their understanding. Until next time, don’t neglect your router, and have a great week.

P.S. I miss you when I wake up. I miss you when I fall asleep. I miss you when I have to say goodbye. I miss you when you tell me you’ll be right back. I miss you in between words. In between letters. In between breaths. I miss you now. But even so, I cherish every moment I get to spend with you. I love you Sorcha. <3

(This is continued in a later article: Red String Nightmares, Part 2.)

OURstory: The Time Line

The Timeline: BBF (Before Bun-Fox)

March 1^st = Initial contact
March 7^th = First Sab Sighting
May 12^th = Afraid
June 30^th = "I send you good thoughts!"
July 1^st = First appearance of the ‘o 3 o’ face
July 13^th = Religion
July 16^th = Sorcha’s Nightmare
July 20^th = You're Important to Me
July 21st = First Sorcha Sighting
July 22^nd = Enter The Bandit Queen and The Insomniac
July 23^rd = Importance of Sorcha Time
July 24^th = Our Pets/ Invention of Sorcha
July 27^th = The Dream of Annabelle Lee
August 7^th = Pet Names
August 10^th = Sab’s Nightmare/ Sab’s Relationship History
August 11^th = Sorcha makes Sab tell the truth
August 12^th = Our Lives Together
August 13^th = Why Sorcha is Bacon Bits
August 14^th = Sorcha Will Never Run Away/ Sab says the L word
August 15^th = Sorcha’s First Moment of True Honesty/ Sorcha says the L word

I like to call our chat history 'The Archives.' Almost all our early interactions are there, recorded in print. Pages and pages and pages of text ranging from silly to serious, important to trivial, and honest to evasive. In preparation for starting this blog I decided to read though all these records in an attempt to find all the important turning points of our relationship.

Returning to the beginning I learned more about us than I ever thought I would. There were things I'd forgotten, things I'd taken for granted that now mean so much to me. They help remind me why it is that I love him so much. Things I never want to forget. So this is reason #1 why there is a time line.

Reason #2 is for your benefit. Love is never entirely logical so neither shall this blog be. We'll explain things as we feel like it, ramble when we want to, and occasionally rant off topic if we have to. This post is here to serve as your mental map, a kind of table of contents if you will. As this blog goes along we will return to each of these posts and eventually they will all get explanations of their own (which we will link to as they are completed).

And so ends introduction week. Both Sabrael and I are very excited about this project and, now that we're all on the same page, we hope you are too. Regular posts will begin next week with Sab taking every Monday and me, Sorcha, controlling Fridays. As an added incentive to get people to subscribe we will have occasional Wednesday updates. These will all be projects that Sab and I work on together. Some of them will be text based but we also have ideas using other mediums that you won't want to miss. Until next time, remember pixels need love too, and have a great weekend!

Oh, and P.S.  Happy 2nd Monthiversary Sabrael! Everyday you remind me of why it was I first told you I love you and everyday I'm reminded of how lucky I am to have you. Thank you for agreeing to take on this project with me and I certainly hope it won't be our last. Lots of love!