Adopt-a-Couple: The Story of Miss A and Mr. B

Of course I know what it is to have long distance relationships. All of the most meaningful relationships I’ve had have either started long distance or have ended up as long distance. I know few people with the patience or the strength to deal with these circumstances, but among the people I do know, one of them knows just what an ordeal it can be, because it seems he has been unlucky enough to have quite a few people who are important to him be far off. But recently he has entered into a relationship (and as of this posting they have made clear their feelings, but I don’t care, I declared them a couple long before that) that once more sent his heart across far off distances. This person whom has captured his heart is one Miss A. And who is he? He is Mr. B, one of my closest friend and my former room mate in Los Angeles. (Points for knowing the reference.)

Now I don’t know too much about Miss A, I met her through Sorcha, and what I have gotten to know is this: in the world of wordsmiths, Miss A’s brush is blunt force trauma in the form of flat truth and brutal sarcasm that would make any forensic linguist turn green. Look at that verb splatter! She is fun to interact with, much like many of Sorcha’s friends, I hope to get to know more about her in the future. Mr. B is my area of expertise here. He is a bit of an ass, but in the way that makes you laugh even if your the victim. His taste in music is dubious, but at the same time he has been known to adapt to genres that make you pause and ask: “Mr. B listens to this? You sure?” Now, when thinking about it, Miss A and Mr. B sort of go together like Beans and Potatoes [AN: Edited thanks to a wonderful suggestion]. You think it’s weird but by god if it doesn’t just work really well and it becomes your new favorite side dish. Truth be told they are adorable, and while I avoid mixing into their business, what I have learned always makes me smile and just reminds me that Sorcha and I aren’t alone, and sometimes hearing about someone else’s struggles reminds you about how you should never quit.

Now, the reason I reference Adopt-a-Couple is because it was actually Sorcha and I (mainly her if you ask her, though I felt like I helped in my own way) who introduced the two and sort of pushed them to talk. And now we are determined to do the same for anyone else we know. We will pair up people who would never have met otherwise and we will show the world the power of love! (The thought makes me dream of Love 2.0: A Digital Dating Site! Of course a pipe dream, but still a fun thought.) Not to say long-distance love is better than people nearby one another, but sometimes the person meant for you is someone you would never have met in your own area. But more on this comparison later I think. Until next time, remember your headphones can accessorize too, and have a great week

P.S. Thanks for your help with this article, and for dealing with sick me all week. I know I’ve been out of it, but I think I’m starting to feel better, and I think our last big talk helped a lot. I’m glad I have you in my life, and even though we didn’t announce it before, Happy 6 Monthaversary! Half a year with you by my side, and I hope to have much longer than that. I love you so much. <3

A Farewell to the Holidays, Pt 2

When my original plan to go visit Sab and Jhovanny for the holidays fell through, to put it lightly I wasn’t pleased. I have the unfortunate burden of being a stress shopper so I promptly went out and spent all the money I’d been saving for the trip. For the first time I bought myself Christmas presents (those of you know know me well may know that I typically feel great guilt buying things for myself, not this time). Though since I had a month long winter break before I needed to be back in classes, I realized I was going to have to find something fun to do or my brains might explode from boredom. My parents and sister had already been planning a trip out to Ohio to visit my Grandparents so I convinced my Dad, on the way back, to drop me off in Indiana so I could visit some of my High School friends.

I am neither an introvert nor an extrovert. I am a curious mix of the two (a woman of contradictions remember). My extroverted side was excited, I would get to see family and friends that I hadn’t been able to in months if not years. However my introverted side was completely unaware that she would go through the most intense torture she’d been faced with since that one semester she’d thought it would be a good idea to become an RA. I did not have a single moment where I could be completely alone over the next two weeks. I slept on couches, shared beds, and napped in train seats. Even asleep I had no privacy. There were many car trips, some where I, a tiny girl of 5’2” had to squeeze to fit my legs in around the people, junk, and car parts. There was rarely viable internet so I couldn’t keep up with my YouTube subscriptions, writing (including this blog), work emails, and, the one that wore on me the most, Sabrael. There was even a time where the texting on our phones decided to give out and service was unreliable so I think our longest calls lasted about 10 minutes before they were dropped. These were some of the hardest two weeks I’ve had to endure in a long time but, also one of the best vacations I’ve ever been on.

As my friend Rachel so tastefully put it, “There was a time when you were so far up Sab’s ass, you didn’t talk to any of us.” And as much as I hate to admit this, it’s true. I’m already really bad about keeping up with old friends (when you move approximately every 3 years and have gone to four different schools in the last 6, old friends tend to pile up) already but I tend to let them drop even more when something new comes along. Not that I’m trying to replace them, but I’m just lazy and to be honest kind of selfish. When Sab came around, I’d already begun to push my friends away. I was in a bad place and really just didn’t want to deal with anyone. By the time things started to change for me, I’d fallen into a pattern.

I love Sab, with all of my heart, but that doesn’t mean I get to neglect other people who need me. I’ve got to learn to balance both sides of my life because I couldn’t bear to let either of them go. So for my January Goal (per my resolutions) that’s what I’m going to do, balance out my life. I’m going to work at staying in touch with my friends better, write letters, emails, texts, and check up on them from time to time. Then Sab and I have decided that we need some time just for us. We spend a lot of time working on projects, school work, and just generally being distracted. So every week we’re going to take some time and shut everything else down for a little while. I don’t want to neglect any of my relationships this year. So until next time, spend some quality time with your web cam, and have a great weekend.

P.S. - Sabrael, I cannot put into words how much I’ve missed you over this vacation. I am so glad that I am back, 1600 miles somehow feels so much closer than 1800. We got some great things planned over the next couple of months and I’m really looking forward to being there with you and seeing how things work out. Just don’t ever forget that I love you and you are always in my thoughts. Thanks for always being there for me when I need you, supporting me in all I do, and keeping me from rewriting this article again. <3

P.S. I Love You

My article last week had all kinds of problems with it and for that I apologize. It was late, it was filler material, it was short, and I forgot my typical P.S. at the end. So this week, it’s all one big P.S. If you don’t mind, I will ignore you today, my dear readers, and talk to Sabrael himself. Thanks for your indulgence, I’ll get back to you guys next week. Until next time, sing to your headphones for once and have a great weekend.

P.S. – Sabrael, I can’t even tell you how much you have meant to me these last few weeks. I’ve had a deluge of essays, tests, and pointless confrontations. I’ve gone days without food. I’ve had crazy arguments with my parents. I’ve had nightmares. I’ve called you in tears. Through all of that, you were always right there with me. I called and texted at all hours of the day and night and you always knew exactly the right thing to say. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.

Not being able to see you has been so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I figured, we talked for months before with never seeing each other but I’ve been spoiled. Practically anytime I wanted I had the ability to push a button and see your adorable face smiling back at me. I could hear your voice whenever I wanted. I steal so much strength from your smiles. It’s impossible for me to feel weak or sad or lonely when I see them.

Monday was our 3rd month-iversary, a small step for most but a big one for me. Not only are you now, officially, my longest relationship but you’re the only one I’ve bothered to keep up a timeline with. All my past relationships where a hassle. I had to force myself to care, I was annoyed whenever I was around them, and it was a constant stress to keep things together. It was a little bewildering at first to realize how genuinely happy you make me (still the idiot grin lingers ^ ^). We don’t play games (well, we only play fun ones!), we don’t cut corners, we’re honest and straightforward, we’re simple and sweet. The way love is supposed to be.

I love you so much Sabrael. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for keeping me sane(relatively). Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for being the wonderful person you are and sharing him with me.

P.P.S. – I loved your article on Monday. It made me happier than you can imagine and I walked around with my idiot grin all day long. I’m looking forward to working on another awesome Wednesday post with you next week and an end to all my fillers. <3 Muah!

I Miss You

I don't know that it's been explicitly stated but no, Sabrael and I haven't met IRL (god, I hate that phrase so much. I don't know why but it just seems so grating...) For the first several months of our friendship, all our communication was strictly texual (IM, email, RP, etc). Then after we started dating, we moved onto Skype and phone calls. Essentially whenever he is awake, I have myriad of ways to get a hold of him. He is rarely out of communicable reach. As am I, particularly since I'm lucky enough to have a Blackberry, or 'smart phone' if you will.

You would think that with all this accessibility to someone you have never physically met, it would be impossible to miss them. That's not exactly true. There are connotations to the word miss that you can only feel it for someone close to you who is no longer nearby so maybe it's not exactly the right word to use. However, to be exact, the word miss is defined by Merriam-Webster as 'to discover or feel the absence of.'

I feel the absence of Sabrael every day. Every morning that I wake up and he's not beside me, I miss him. Whenever I'm sitting in class and remember a silly joke he told me, I miss him. When I'm staring at the contents of my refrigerator, wondering how to construct them into a semi-decent meal, I miss him. It's usually at that exact moment that he sends me a texts gets online, or calls me and it always brings a smile to my face. As long as he is around, physically or not, I don't feel so alone in the world. My world just makes so much more sense with him in it.

Until next week, don't abandon your keyboards for too long, and have a great weekend!

P.S. - Doing the playlist post was so much fun, love. We need to do some more late night writing sometime. ^ ^ I had tons of fun just getting the chance to hang out with you so much this week and I can't wait til that becomes a permanent thing. Love you dearest! <3 Good luck on your next article!

Sounds of Affection: Music as Communication

In an online romance, sounds and text are more important than anything else. Often text can be misread since there is no intonation and body language, but even sound runs this risk. A tired spoken word can seem bored, or uncaring, or annoyance can be conveyed in words when a distraction is bothering the speaker. I will admit, I put much stock into tone and pitch of Sorcha’s voice, and I’m pleased to find I can now tell the difference between tired and annoyed. But of all the sounds that can be traded between far off lovers, Music can be the most romantic. As you all read in our special post last week, Music means a lot to us, though sometimes we take different things from it, we still understand the intent. Now, I know for a fact music is a big part of both Sorcha’s life and my own as well. We are both amateur musician’s (i.e. we take it as a hobby, near the bottom of both our lists of hobbies), but we are also the kind of people who would gladly have a soundtrack for our life.

Music can convey feelings, memories and thoughts. Being reminded of Sorcha when I hear lines like: “And I do believe it’s true, that there are roads left in both of our shoes. But if the silence takes you, then I hope it takes me too,” always makes me smile. So why not share that song with her, and let her know, “Whenever I listen to this song, I smile, and your the only person who I think of... and It’s now hit over 9000 plays in Windows Media Player.” I will admit, I have my listening trends and they shift from time to time, but nothing makes me happier than double-clicking that certain playlist and just closing my eyes and basking in my thoughts. Now will I stop doing this one I have Sorcha within arms reach? Never! I’ll just play it on my speakers instead of on my headphones, hold her close, and think about how lucky I am to have her in my arms at last.

So then, what is the point of explaining what many people probably know? Nothing. But for those who didn’t, now you know. Music is a way you can tell someone you love them, and your thinking of them, without having to say it. If you can still remind them through a simple gesture or action, then you have spent a day doing the most important thing, and should be proud. So until next time, keep your Media Players happy, and have a great week.

P.S. My dearest Sorcha, I love you, and I had a wonderful time doing last weeks post side by side with you. I can’t wait to do it again next month. You mean the world to me, and I look forward to your post this Friday. <3

The Economics of Love

Love, while a limitless emotion that flows from the heart, has an economic value. Now, I'm not saying Love has a dollar value. But there are certain aspects that can cost money, and while some can be foregone in your usual relationship, a long distance relationship is different. Many of these optional aspects are vital in a long distance relationship, where walking to her house isn't an option, and where your main lines of communication are phone, Internet and if you are archaic like me, letters. So I am here to point out some of the more poignant things that have been on my mind.

Work. In the current economy, unemployment rates are staggering, but one of the key points of a long-distance relationship is the money, and where it comes in from. At the start of my relationship with Sorcha, I had just moved from Las Vegas to Los Angeles. Finding myself sleeping on the floor of a friends room and jobless, the thought of stable work is comforting. Sadly, my endeavors have been fruitless in a way. While I am working on commission with a law office charged with helping people being evicted from their homes (a point that hits near to my heart thanks to a child hood in poverty), it is not steady work, so a search must go on. Steady work is anything in which you know what you will be paid each pay period without fail and you also know what your expenses are as well as how much you can save without living like a squab. An extra part-time (or a commission job where you can pick your own hours) is always good, you can completely put that money into your relationship, making saving for those trips easier.

Housing. Having a home to yourself is important, it cuts out the cost of a hotel room. Any space you can call your own is helpful. I currently call a space of floor my habitat, and with no money to make ends meet, I am not one to try and proclaim dominance over my inkling of space. And so, with that, my desire to have an apartment is sound, but if having an apartment entirely to yourself ends up costing more than you want, looking for a room for rent is also good, most people are good about giving you your due privacy when your paying for it. The downside, is when those visits come around, you have to make sure everyone is okay with long term stays. My personal opinion, is that you should only be spending at the most half of your income on housing, more than that is a bit much, and you may want to consider where you can cut costs on the non-essentials.

Communication. When you can’t trot over to your loves house, a phone call, or an instant message is your best friend. I was lucky enough to have a laptop already, and where I moved into had a wireless connection I could connect too. On the Internet you have many social networks, instant messenger clients and of course the classic e-mail. With so many ways, the Internet is a great means of communication. Sorcha and I use Skype for video chatting, and for text, we use GTalk. I don’t know which venue Sorcha uses, but I use Yoono, which sits nicely to the left of my web browsing on Firefox, so I can chat and surf, and even chat and watch a video without needing to swap tabs around (useful if I am watching something at the same time as her and want to comment). Now on the flip side of this we have the cell phone: text messages and phone calls. Now phone calls are not really big for me and Sorcha, neither of us is a phone call person, we usually prefer the comfort of Skype, but texting is a new development for us. See, through sheer stupidity on my part, I had Sorcha’s phone number but never thought of texting her until after my ability to text was lost. Foolish, I know. Shortly afterwards I lost my phone service, and so it was a neglected factor. Recently I reactivated my service, and I now suggest this to anyone who needs a phone fast without breaking the bank: AT&T has a great $60 a month pre-paid plan with unlimited talk and text. Need a phone? Another $20 will get you something that does the job.

Now this is by no means a whole guide to the economic process of long-distance relationships, but it gives a glance at the three biggest things that can help make or break the already fragile bonds that form miles apart. As you have gathered, I have communication, but am lacking housing and work. Does this mean my relationship is trained? Hardly, I am lucky enough to have found myself a Sorcha, a rare and elusive creature who is understanding, patient, and supportive in so many ways. Without her support, I may not have felt so strongly about our relationship as I do. So thank you for bearing with me dear readers, this is the start of a long road, and I hope you stay the path. Until next time, keep your hard drives warm with love, and have a great week.

P.S. Happy 2nd Monthiversary my Sorcha! I would never have taken on this endeavor with anyone else. You mean more to me than anything else, and despite my frustrations with my situation, I am glad you are with me through it all, you make so much stronger. Here is to two wonderful months, and to many more years beyond us, and the journey that will lead us there. I love you so much Sorcha. <3