Red String Nightmares, Part 1

Allow me to explain a few details that you may like to know before I begin. She was complicated. She was my ex. Now twice ex. She was the love of my life, she owned me in ways she herself may probably never know. She was special to me in many ways, and without warning, she broke me. Tossing me aside like garbage, one night we were love birds on a honeymoon, the next, I was sitting in the grass, shaking from an invisible cold wondering why my world was being destroyed. She broke me, made me empty and hollow. I doubted I could ever love anyone like I once loved her. I grew depressed, I grew sick, and I was more tired than I had ever been in my life.

Needless to say, this was a woman who ruined my life, and for a long time, she never even entered my thoughts until that night. It was August 10th, 2010. I woke up and I stared long and hard at the ceiling. I had a dream about her. Something that hadn’t happened in a long while. And I didn’t know why. I was 10 days in Los Angeles, and true, my girlfriend at the time was completely missing. We hadn’t spoken since the first, when we said our goodbyes at the airport. But the dream wasn’t bad, it was so casual, and that was what bothered me. So in the back of my head she lingered, and I had this overwhelming urge to see her, speak to her, try and have a civil conversation. But I also knew that would be impossible, I knew if I saw her my frustration and anger would bubble to the surface and I wouldn’t be able to be civil with her. So I didn’t even give the thought any action. But still she bothered me, she remained in my thoughts all day, and she distracted me.

But something great happened. I sat down at my laptop, and the greatest person in the world was online. Sorcha was always someone I was glad to talk to, and despite initial reservations in our conversation, she soon learned of all my thoughts, even those I had yet to admit t anyone else. She helped me collect my mind, gather my thoughts and made my day much easier. Keep in mind that this was 5 days before we became official. But that day, I felt something special stir in me. With her words she took my heart and breathed love into it. She quelled my worries and I felt renewed. I felt like the world was in my reach, and Sorcha was the one who put it there. She knew more of my dark history than I ever cared to admit to anyone else at the time, and she didn’t run away. She didn’t see me as odd or strange. She accepted me, something few people who knew the truth could. And while I didn’t say it then, that was one of the days I longed to have her by my side, so I could take her into my arms and hold her close and tell her how much she truly meant to me. This was one of the moments that drew our red string of fate taught, and brought us closer. I would never have opened myself up to anyone else, and I am glad I did with her. It still means so much to me now. If you ever feel like you can’t share something, always share it with the one you love, they can surprise you with their understanding. Until next time, don’t neglect your router, and have a great week.

P.S. I miss you when I wake up. I miss you when I fall asleep. I miss you when I have to say goodbye. I miss you when you tell me you’ll be right back. I miss you in between words. In between letters. In between breaths. I miss you now. But even so, I cherish every moment I get to spend with you. I love you Sorcha. <3

(This is continued in a later article: Red String Nightmares, Part 2.)