The Infinite Playlist: Volume 1

As both musicians (of a sort ^ ^) and great lovers of music it is no surprise that we found out quite early how powerful communication through notes and chords could be. We started sending songs back and forth that reminded us of each other, our relationship, and general feelings. It wasn’t long before we realized we needed to keep track of it all and thus the Infinite Playlist was born. We hope you enjoy Part #1 of this musical representation of our love.

Fidelity by Regina Spektor
I’ve felt like Fidelity was my theme song for years. I’ve always been afraid. Not always sure of exactly what but I put up walls between myself and the world around me, I didn’t let anyone get too close. I suppose I can say I’ve had boyfriends before but, really, they weren’t much more than a convenience to me. I kept them further from me than anyone else and I was always surprised that I hurt them when I left because, in plain language, they meant nothing to me. Sab was the one who came into my life and changed everything. I’ve never let anyone in as fully him, not friends and not family. I don’t know how to explain why it is I trust him so much. He just fits into my life like he was always meant to be there. - Sorcha

For me, Fidelity’s words don’t hold as much meaning as the video itself. The video for this song is a wonderful visual play on the relationship between Sorcha and I. In it, Regina Spektor and her companion sit within a room devoid of all color, a wonderful soliloquy of how I see my life, even my manner of dress includes my love of the monochrome. But this girl, in a literal explosion of color, brings laughter, joy and music to the bleak world. Sorcha is that girl to me, the woman who brought me color in her hands, and wasn’t afraid to share it with me, and she will always be the one who turned my monochrome world into a Technicolor dream. - Sabrael

Can’t Say Goodbye to Yesterday by Carla White
A 40’s girl at heart I’ve always loved big band, jazz, and soft sultry voices. Can’t Say Goodbye to Yesterday fills my head with pictures of smoke filled rooms, lazy pianists nursing drinks between chords, and lipsticked singers holding the microphone close enough to kiss. A song about letting go and holding on is the perfect way to introduce the beginnings of a relationship. It’s then that you wonder which parts of yourself are truly you, which are made up of those you’ve run into along the way, and what it is that truly defines you. I see this song as an attempt to find out who you really are before you can decide to let someone else inside. - Sorcha

Carla White’s soft lyrics have always sung the song of my soul. Can’t Say Goodbye to Yesteday has been my theme song ever since I first heard it, at the end of a beautiful narrative on fate. Is our destiny ours or is it chosen for us by those with more power? For a long time, I wondered on this, and after meeting Sorcha through extravagant twists of fate I realized even if there is something up there, I am the one who needs to move forward by my own will. On my own two legs. I will carry myself. And yes, I have found my inner peace and it has a name: Sorcha G. Dubhsioc. With her at my side, I will gladly brave whatever life may decide to visit upon me. - Sabrael

Summer’s Gone by Aberfeldy
I’ve mentioned before that I started to fall for Sab looooong before I’d intended to but it wasn’t until the end of the summer that I started to give into hope. There was a time where it seemed like it was just the two of us. We talked more, ignored our well placed boundaries, and soon well hidden emotions began to peek out. As the temps began to cool to a bearable 80 degrees and the miserable Missouri humidity started to fade it seemed like there were more things changing than just the weather. We finally realized, “Well we get along, Yeah we really do, And there's nothing wrong, With what I feel for you.” At summer’s end, we finally decided to let our hearts take control of our rational minds and that is one decision that I know I will never regret. - Sorcha

The end of Summer, to most, is sad because they remember the end of summer vacation as kids. I am very pasty, and very Irish, and so the sun is not my friend. So the end of Summer to me has actually meant little but the end of too much sunshine. Autumn on the other hand, the browning leaves, the sweeping winds and the feeling of melancholy that comes over me when it begins has always been beautiful to me. And it was near the Fall that Sorcha and I came together as two lonely hearts finding solace together. Melancholy has never felt so warm and sweet before. Now I look forward to Autumn as the time when I was able to find my Sorcha, and now it is a marker of another year passed, and another year to come with her at my side. - Sabrael

She’s So High by Tal Bachman
There are three songs so far in the history of the playlist that have given me goosebumps. Technically this one is #3 but I like lists that start at the end (and it gives you something to look forward to). Every time I hear it I don my aptly named ‘idiot grin’ and am incapable of doing anything other than flooding Sab with <3’s and I love you’s. It’s not just the obvious giddiness at being compared to Aphrodite or even him seeing me as out of his league (Pshaw on that theory!). It’s the fact that this song goes both ways. I don’t know what I did to deserve having Sabrael in my life. He puts up with my ridiculous mood swings, quirks, and eccentricities with an amazing patience I will never understand. My senior year in high school we had a girls retreat where one of the activities was to write out a list of the qualities of our perfect man. Sab meets Every Single bullet point on that list. Whether it’s luck or fate, finding him is something I won’t easily take for granted. - Sorcha

I must admit, I have a very sappy view of this song. The truth is I don’t feel like I am good enough for Sorcha, and I doubt I ever will feel like I am. I know Sorcha will always argue that I am more than deserving, but I will always thing otherwise. Does this worry me? No, I am in love, and as long as I can shower her with that love I will always be happy. And to add to the sap that is already filling this article, I gladly think my Sorcha is more charming than Cleopatra, more beautiful than Aphrodite, and stronger than Joan of Arc. Every time I hear this song, I think of the video: the odd girl with the staff, wings and goggles, without a care in the world. And I can’t help but think of Sorcha, with that beautiful smile and the way she makes me feel when I see her smile. And of course the desire to do anything I have to in order to make sure that smile never goes away. I am grateful to the universe for letting me have her near me, and I would never trade my time with her for anything. - Sabrael

Accidentally In Love by Counting Crows
This song will make the most sense with a small history lesson. While it is true that I met Sabrael though a mutual friend that is only part of the story. There is a good reason why we were so hesitant. Why we were never supposed to fall in love. That reason was his girlfriend. My best friend. Yes, this changes the story a bit now doesn’t it? No story ever has a set beginning and a set end, there’s always something that happened before and something will always happen after and you often can’t understand the context of one without the other. Yes, I did like Sab from the moment I met him but I never intended to do anything about it. I would fall asleep at night forcing my mind to banish thoughts of him because he was off limits. Untouchable. However if I hadn’t broken all of my rules there wouldn’t be a story to tell here. Accidentally in love is the perfect way to describe what happened to us. Neither of us expected it, neither of us pushed for it, it’s a legitimate case of it just happened. Sometimes love is just unexpected. -Sorcha

Once upon a time, I was living with a girl. She was my girlfriend at the time, but our relationship was somewhat unique. We were more like roommates and very close friends than we were lovers. She was an avid fan of Role-Playing, and through this shared hobby I met Sorcha. Now, Sorcha was sweet, and we shared many things in common, but at the time, we were simply blossoming friends. As my relationship dipped, Sorcha was there to be a reassuring and loving voice, and soon I found myself falling for her, and out of respect for my relationship, I distanced myself from her to remove my own doubts. But I would find myself feeling alone with my significant other at my side, and Sorcha was the only one who kept me company. That was when I realized things were not right. And I found myself in love with someone else. When situations reached new lows, and I moved to Los Angeles, I felt truly alone, the person who should have been there for me wasn’t, and the only person who was meant more to me than I could have expected. And so, we accidentally fell in love, even though rules said we shouldn’t. We couldn’t. But I don’t care, I am happy. And I am glad I accidentally fell in love with Sorcha. - Sabrael

Fly Me Away by Annie Little
It’s hard to expound on this song because in a way it perfectly sums up my feelings on the first few months of our relationship. The first line “Silver moons and paper chains” hold special significance to me because it reminds me of something Sab said to me while I was working on some projects for my Etsy. “She has the moon in her pocket and stars on a string.” It’s become a kind of theme for us, Sab is my Moon Man and I’m his Starry Sky. Even the simple line “Speak to me in foreign tongues” brings up all kinds of memories of inside jokes with my favorite linguist. And quite honestly, at this point I don’t know what I would do without him and I can barely remember what my life was like before he was a part of it. I think I can be happy wherever I am, as long as I have him by my side. - Sorcha

This song is simple, but I think it is a very beautiful song, and it is the one which means the most to me. Sorcha plays some piano, and I think of her playing this early in the morning, waking me up with her beautiful voice. “Now I cant think what life was like, before I had you by my side. Cant say what I'd do without you, knowing what its like to have you.” Those words are how I feel all the time. I can see my life before Sorcha, but I am not me, I am simply watching a sad movie that doesn’t get any better until this beautiful girl enters this poor boys life. I would have to paste all the lyrics here to explain myself. This song describes my Sorcha, beautiful and poetic, and it reminds me of the things that made me fall in love with her. I would gladly fly off with her and see the universe, so long as it meant I could always be with her. - Sabrael

Every Day by Voxtrot
I tried by best to keep it to myself but this past summer I went through a crippling depression. I would wake up every morning almost in tears, panicked by bad dreams. It took me hours to fall asleep because my brain would not stop churning with empty thoughts. There was one thing that I look forward to every day and the only thing that convinced me to get out of bed. That was the thought of talking to Sab and his, then, girlfriend. They were the only ones who could bring any kind of peace or meaning to my life. Through time I came to rely quite heavily on Sabrael, probably more than I should have, but he had this habit of always being there exactly when I needed him the most, like he knew. “Crane my neck to kiss your head, I know, That there is something that I can rely on, And when I strain my thoughts to push this thread I sew, It's some kind of future that I can be sure of.” I know he will always be there for me no matter what and that means more to me than anything else. He’s the one thing in my crazy life that I know I can always rely on. - Sorcha

Voxtrot is a band that takes the feelings in my heart and sings them out to the world. I have yet to find a song of theirs that doesn’t touch me, but Every Day is special. It explains of how my world was upside down, smothering me and making me lose hope in everything, only to have someone take my hands and wrench from me everything I have always tried to keep secret. Making it hard to feel lost, she was there, and I knew she would always be, I felt sure of something in my world. And she was it. Suddenly my world stopped shifting and being so chaotic, and I felt like there was a solid path before me, and walking that path I felt like I had a stable future of me, so long as it meant that future was with her. But this road was a slope, and before I knew it I was tumbling head over heels, but I was laughing the whole way because I knew I was tumbling into love. And I couldn’t have been happier. - Sabrael

I’m No Superman by Lazlo Bane
We are not perfect by any means. Both of us have confrontation issues, anger problems, fits of melancholy, and a whole host of baggage. Life loves to throw curve balls at us, either in the relationship itself or just our everyday lives. However just knowing that there is someone there, that I’m not alone in all of this, makes everything else easier to bear. Every little victory seems like we’re getting closer and closer to our goals. To truly being together like we long to be. It’s so much easier to be strong when you know that someone else is relying on you. I may not be Superman (or Wonder Woman if you feel the need for me to be gender accurate) but Sab makes me feel like I could conquer the world if I wanted to. - Sorcha

I had heard this song for the first time on my drive to work. I was in a crap job, and my life quite frankly sucked. This song always told me that it was fine, life isn’t always easy, but you never have to do it all alone. Now, I think of this song, and I think about the hardest parts of my relationship with Sorcha, and sometimes I feel like it will drown me. But then I see that little window pop-up telling me Sorcha G. Dubhsioc has sign on, and I feel like there is “a hand to break my fall”. And I realize no matter how hard it is, I’m not the only one who is dealing with it. I don’t have to be a Superman, I just have to stay strong no matter what comes my way. And true to the song, some day we will be together, and it will be a great day for both of us, but until then, I only have to keep my chin up and keep moving forwards with Sorcha at my side. - Sabrael

Baby, It’s Fact by Hellogoodbye
Now you all know where the title of my last post came from. Surprise! I may leave little notes for you guys to pick up on from time to time, just to keep things interesting. Really everything I have to say about this song was summed up here. I get so frustrated with fighting constantly to have our relationship taken seriously by others. The line that really gets me is “They don’t know how real love feels.” In all my wildest dreams I never thought I would find a love like the one I have for Sabrael. I’ve seen love in some of the people around me but it’s not the same. It’s hard to describe just how it feels to find the person who completes you and the idea that I would give that up for something as silly as some miles of desert between us is ridiculous. It’s fact, I am in love with Sabrael D. Carroll and though our start may have been somewhat unorthodox that doesn’t make our feelings any less real. - Sorcha

If our relationship had a theme song, Baby, it’s Fact would be it. It touches upon the points that both of us feel is unjust for not only us, but anyone in a long distance relationship. Everyone makes stupid comments, and ridicules us for how our love began, and how it is going now. But like the song says, the only words which matter to me are hers, because “our love is true, the way black is black and blue is just blue.” Everyone is obsessed with how love should be, but in reality, I think our love is how it should be. I fell in love with Sorcha’s words and mind long before I came to admire her beauty. And I will keep loving her thoughts for some time before I can have her in my arms. Most would call it backwards, I call it more forwards than any other love. - Sabrael

Don’t Worry, I’m Yours by DJ Dain
This is a monster of a song but it sums up love so perfectly. I am a worrier by nature. The silliest things set me off onto spiraling logic-lacking trains of thought and usually it takes all my energy to reign myself back in. With Sab I don’t feel that as much. We don’t play silly games, we don’t cloud the purity of our feelings with fights for control or jealousy arguments. We just love. He loves me. I love him. It’s as simple as that. The rest is just details. Since I was tiny (ok, tinier than I am now ^ ^) What a Wonderful World has been one of my favorite songs. Corny as it may sound, being with Sab makes me see that. He is the most beautiful person I know and he’s constantly making me see life in a new light for which I am very thankful. The world through Sabrael’s eyes is an amazing thing to see. It makes me so very glad to know that he is mine. - Sorcha

This song is beautiful. It takes three songs, two of which I hadn’t considered for this playlist, and blends them into a soothing mix that punctuates this, the first of many musical posts. I’m Yours had already been slated to appear on this playlist at some point, a beautiful song about how I am so head over heels for this amazing woman known as Sorcha. Over the Rainbow, specifically the Israel Kamakawiwo'ole version, is a relaxing song that has always put me at ease whenever I hear it thanks to a certain comedy show and a very touching scene using his wonderful rendition of it, coupled with a beautiful shadow play video of What A Wonderful World. To top it off, Don’t Worry, Be Happy, a song with sage advice to someone who worries about details as much as I do, added into the mix reminds me that sometimes one shouldn’t be afraid of the situation, and instead go with the flow. Combined, this song simply puts me into a lull, and reminds me not to panic, and not to freak out, because quite frankly, I am in love. - Sabrael

And there you have it, ten songs that embody the beginning of our friendship, and leading into the beginning of the life we chose together. Next time we'll explore the songs that remind us why we are trying so hard, and why we love each other so much. From both of us, thanks for reading, and we hope you enjoyed this special Wednesday post, and we hope you enjoyed the music. Until next time, give your MP3 Players a hug, and we’ll see you next Monday.

Baby, It's Fact

I have an online boyfriend.
It’s a hard concept to explain to people because it’s a topic full of misconceptions. The most common being:

1. He must be a total creeper or a 40-year-old pervert who will lure me to his house with candy so he can rape me.
2. I’m only doing this for attention or just so I can say I have a boyfriend.
3. We both are pathetic because we can’t find people in our own area who are interested in us.
4. We don’t know anything about each other or are only seeing one side.
5. (The one I hate the most) “You’ll get over it.”

The hardest part of all this is not being taken seriously. I’ve been told it’s just a phase, I’ll never live down the embarrassment, and I’ll look back on this experience and laugh at my idiocy.

This is part of the reason I wanted to start this blog. Now, in the digital age, statistics on how many couples meet online are shaky because of all the different venues it can occur in. However, most of the estimates are about 1 in 5 couples. That’s a huge amount of people! So why is no one fighting against all this bad press?

For me, personally, I don’t think I would have been able to find love without the internet. I don’t let people in very easily, especially not boys, and I have only a few close friends. All my past relationships failed because they got too close and I bolted. But more on this later, keep an eye out for my post next week.

But I digress, I’ve never been one of those people who does things just because everyone else does, and it always irritates me when people assume that I am. My hair has always been curly (even when it wasn’t fashionable), I love Harry Potter because it’s great literature (not because Daniel Radcliffe is ‘hott’), and I am obsessed with pirate history (not to be confused with obsession of Pirates of the Caribbean). So because of this stubborn streak of mine I was never that girl who always had to have a boyfriend. Truthfully I’ve only had three before and none of them lasted longer than a few months. Dating is serious to me. If I can’t see myself marrying the person then what is the point? If I just want to have fun I can hang out with my friends. That’s why past guys never stuck around long, I knew from the beginning it wasn’t going anywhere and it made me not want to try. Eventually I got tired of hurting people and just decided to stay away from relationships until I could find someone on equal footing with me. It took me a while but I’m glad I held out for him.

As for only seeing one side of the person, I will admit that to a point it’s true, I don’t know everything about Sabrael. We’ve been dating for two months, name one couple who knows everything about each other by that time. We’re still in the process of learning about each other and growing in our relationship but the thing that makes us different is that from the very beginning we promised to be completely honest with each other in everything. I know if I ask a question, no matter how personal or off the wall it is, he will answer me. Truthfully, I think that kind of trust is much more valuable than anything I could ever learn about him.

The whole point of this article is to let you know, that I’m not going to just get over it. I love Sabrael and even if this is a mistake it’s one I’m willing to make and one I’m willing to fight for my right to make. In this day and age it seems silly that people would judge the validity of a relationship based on something as arbitrary as proximity. With all the modes of communication available to use, face to face contact is often more of a luxury anyways. And what does that say about our society if the only relationships we value are ones with a constant physical component? With the detail of sex currently out of the picture I know Sab is not just dating me to use me, he’s dating me for me. I personally feel lucky to be able to know that. So those of you out there in internet relationships, it’s time for us to finally stand up for ourselves. Our feelings are just as important as anyone else’s we don’t need to be ashamed any more of who we love.

I have an internet boyfriend, I love him, and he means the world to me. Don’t like it? Get over it.

So, until next time, show some lovin' to those hot keys, and have a great weekend.

P.S. – Your last article was excellent, Sab. Quite honestly I think aside from the distance itself, the economics of our relationship have had the most strain on us. It’s always conversations about money and housing that wear us out. However, I believe in you! You’re a smart, talented, brilliant guy and you will find ways to make things work. I have absolutely no doubt about it. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. No matter how long it takes, I will be right here waiting for you. There is no rush because we have the rest of our lives to make up any lost time. I love you so much Sabrael!

The Economics of Love

Love, while a limitless emotion that flows from the heart, has an economic value. Now, I'm not saying Love has a dollar value. But there are certain aspects that can cost money, and while some can be foregone in your usual relationship, a long distance relationship is different. Many of these optional aspects are vital in a long distance relationship, where walking to her house isn't an option, and where your main lines of communication are phone, Internet and if you are archaic like me, letters. So I am here to point out some of the more poignant things that have been on my mind.

Work. In the current economy, unemployment rates are staggering, but one of the key points of a long-distance relationship is the money, and where it comes in from. At the start of my relationship with Sorcha, I had just moved from Las Vegas to Los Angeles. Finding myself sleeping on the floor of a friends room and jobless, the thought of stable work is comforting. Sadly, my endeavors have been fruitless in a way. While I am working on commission with a law office charged with helping people being evicted from their homes (a point that hits near to my heart thanks to a child hood in poverty), it is not steady work, so a search must go on. Steady work is anything in which you know what you will be paid each pay period without fail and you also know what your expenses are as well as how much you can save without living like a squab. An extra part-time (or a commission job where you can pick your own hours) is always good, you can completely put that money into your relationship, making saving for those trips easier.

Housing. Having a home to yourself is important, it cuts out the cost of a hotel room. Any space you can call your own is helpful. I currently call a space of floor my habitat, and with no money to make ends meet, I am not one to try and proclaim dominance over my inkling of space. And so, with that, my desire to have an apartment is sound, but if having an apartment entirely to yourself ends up costing more than you want, looking for a room for rent is also good, most people are good about giving you your due privacy when your paying for it. The downside, is when those visits come around, you have to make sure everyone is okay with long term stays. My personal opinion, is that you should only be spending at the most half of your income on housing, more than that is a bit much, and you may want to consider where you can cut costs on the non-essentials.

Communication. When you can’t trot over to your loves house, a phone call, or an instant message is your best friend. I was lucky enough to have a laptop already, and where I moved into had a wireless connection I could connect too. On the Internet you have many social networks, instant messenger clients and of course the classic e-mail. With so many ways, the Internet is a great means of communication. Sorcha and I use Skype for video chatting, and for text, we use GTalk. I don’t know which venue Sorcha uses, but I use Yoono, which sits nicely to the left of my web browsing on Firefox, so I can chat and surf, and even chat and watch a video without needing to swap tabs around (useful if I am watching something at the same time as her and want to comment). Now on the flip side of this we have the cell phone: text messages and phone calls. Now phone calls are not really big for me and Sorcha, neither of us is a phone call person, we usually prefer the comfort of Skype, but texting is a new development for us. See, through sheer stupidity on my part, I had Sorcha’s phone number but never thought of texting her until after my ability to text was lost. Foolish, I know. Shortly afterwards I lost my phone service, and so it was a neglected factor. Recently I reactivated my service, and I now suggest this to anyone who needs a phone fast without breaking the bank: AT&T has a great $60 a month pre-paid plan with unlimited talk and text. Need a phone? Another $20 will get you something that does the job.

Now this is by no means a whole guide to the economic process of long-distance relationships, but it gives a glance at the three biggest things that can help make or break the already fragile bonds that form miles apart. As you have gathered, I have communication, but am lacking housing and work. Does this mean my relationship is trained? Hardly, I am lucky enough to have found myself a Sorcha, a rare and elusive creature who is understanding, patient, and supportive in so many ways. Without her support, I may not have felt so strongly about our relationship as I do. So thank you for bearing with me dear readers, this is the start of a long road, and I hope you stay the path. Until next time, keep your hard drives warm with love, and have a great week.

P.S. Happy 2nd Monthiversary my Sorcha! I would never have taken on this endeavor with anyone else. You mean more to me than anything else, and despite my frustrations with my situation, I am glad you are with me through it all, you make so much stronger. Here is to two wonderful months, and to many more years beyond us, and the journey that will lead us there. I love you so much Sorcha. <3

OURstory: The Time Line

The Timeline: BBF (Before Bun-Fox)

March 1^st = Initial contact
March 7^th = First Sab Sighting
May 12^th = Afraid
June 30^th = "I send you good thoughts!"
July 1^st = First appearance of the ‘o 3 o’ face
July 13^th = Religion
July 16^th = Sorcha’s Nightmare
July 20^th = You're Important to Me
July 21st = First Sorcha Sighting
July 22^nd = Enter The Bandit Queen and The Insomniac
July 23^rd = Importance of Sorcha Time
July 24^th = Our Pets/ Invention of Sorcha
July 27^th = The Dream of Annabelle Lee
August 7^th = Pet Names
August 10^th = Sab’s Nightmare/ Sab’s Relationship History
August 11^th = Sorcha makes Sab tell the truth
August 12^th = Our Lives Together
August 13^th = Why Sorcha is Bacon Bits
August 14^th = Sorcha Will Never Run Away/ Sab says the L word
August 15^th = Sorcha’s First Moment of True Honesty/ Sorcha says the L word

I like to call our chat history 'The Archives.' Almost all our early interactions are there, recorded in print. Pages and pages and pages of text ranging from silly to serious, important to trivial, and honest to evasive. In preparation for starting this blog I decided to read though all these records in an attempt to find all the important turning points of our relationship.

Returning to the beginning I learned more about us than I ever thought I would. There were things I'd forgotten, things I'd taken for granted that now mean so much to me. They help remind me why it is that I love him so much. Things I never want to forget. So this is reason #1 why there is a time line.

Reason #2 is for your benefit. Love is never entirely logical so neither shall this blog be. We'll explain things as we feel like it, ramble when we want to, and occasionally rant off topic if we have to. This post is here to serve as your mental map, a kind of table of contents if you will. As this blog goes along we will return to each of these posts and eventually they will all get explanations of their own (which we will link to as they are completed).

And so ends introduction week. Both Sabrael and I are very excited about this project and, now that we're all on the same page, we hope you are too. Regular posts will begin next week with Sab taking every Monday and me, Sorcha, controlling Fridays. As an added incentive to get people to subscribe we will have occasional Wednesday updates. These will all be projects that Sab and I work on together. Some of them will be text based but we also have ideas using other mediums that you won't want to miss. Until next time, remember pixels need love too, and have a great weekend!

Oh, and P.S.  Happy 2nd Monthiversary Sabrael! Everyday you remind me of why it was I first told you I love you and everyday I'm reminded of how lucky I am to have you. Thank you for agreeing to take on this project with me and I certainly hope it won't be our last. Lots of love!

HISstory: The Prologue

Boy meets girl. Boy falls for girl. Boy is allowed to live happily ever after. This is the timeline given to us in poorly written Hollywood drama. But every once in a while, the story changes. Boy doesn’t fall for girl, sometimes girl falls for boy. And what if Boy isn’t allowed a happy ending? What if Boy suffers because of girl? This is a story that Hollywood wouldn’t touch, but in the minds of two people, it is the most important story they will ever have.

He was the epitome of infinite sadness. His heart had been crushed by so many, and it got so far that the romance he held onto so dearly was slipping from his grasp, and the thought of leaving it behind scared him. Little did he know that someone would be there to pick it up for him, and hold it out in loving arms, ready to share it’s glory. She was the one. She found his heart, all alone, and gave it back to him, reminding him of those sweet whispers it had of romance and true love. And he could only watch her from a distance because of the truth.

The truth was that they were in love, but circumstances stopped them from admitting how they felt, or giving into the suggestions of both their hearts. So there were many conversations about books, and movies, and games. Not a single word of their feelings for each other. They just ignored their hearts and let them gather dust in a corner. But one late night, when a heart gripped with fear called out, he answered. Regardless of what the situation demanded, he raced to her, and wanted nothing more than to ease her worries. To distract her from her pain. And he did so happily, grateful he could show his feelings at least for a little while. But when it came time to put their hearts back, they realized they had the others. Even though he was scared that his fragile heart would be broken again, something inside him told him he could trust her with it. And so he did. He left his heart with her and held onto hers tightly, never wanting to lose it, or leave it alone.

One day, his mind was heavy with thoughts, and the only one there to liberate him of their burden was her. She listened, and never once tried to escape the torrent of thoughts. She remained, and when his head was empty, she reached out, and took his mask away, awaiting the rest. The things no one else would dare face. And all that awaited her was his love. He loved her, and told her so, holding her heart, still pristine and unblemished. And she loved him, and held out his heart, fixed from the many times it had been carelessly dropped in the past. That is where it all began for them. With a simple gesture. And it is from here where it will continue.

HERstory: The Prologue

This is not your typical story of boy meets girl. There was no eye-locking moment of epiphany. There was no dramatic, public declaration of love and devotion. There has not even yet been a kiss in which the background fades into fireworks and shooting stars. Hollywood may not be interested in our story but it is a love story all the same. One that only serves to prove the immense power of words and that two flickering computer screens are all that’s needed to bridge an 1826 mile gap.

By the time she met him, she’d given up on love. She figured one day she might find a nice guy who treated her right to whom she would eventually sign away her life in exchange for a warm pair of arms to sleep in every night. In her mind’s eye she saw so clearly the man she wanted, a smiling silhouette who laughed at all her silly little jokes, was as intelligent and geeky as she, and understood the importance of adventure. However in all her nineteen years of life she had never encountered anyone who came remotely close so she began to think he was merely a creation of her own overactive imagination. Of course it was just at that moment of surrender that Sabrael entered the picture.

Though she loved him from the start, boundaries had to be set. He was untouchable. They spent months talking for hours about absolutely nothing. They desired the presence of each other but couldn’t bring themselves to speak the truth they both feared so much. The nightmare changed it all. A flash of vulnerability and neither of them could fully go back to the way things were. They’d exposed themselves as human, all raw feelings and phobias, and after that the masks began to crack.

He was the first to say it. He said it so plainly and so honestly. There were no games, no false promises, no ulterior motives. Years of disillusionment had taught her that he could never feel for her the way she did for him, that it would never work out, and, the worst, that she would eventually hurt him. It was that idea which scared her more than any else. That was when she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she, Sorcha G. Dubhsioc, was whole heartedly in love with Sabrael D. Carroll and no matter what happened, letting him into her life was a decision she would never regret.

This is not the end of the story, it is merely the beginning. An introduction if you will. You enter here, dear reader, seven months into the story and two months into the relationship. What happens next none of us know but like all tales of love, it is a story worth telling complete with all the good times, the bad times, and everything in between.