Simplicity

Thanksgiving. An often misconstrued holiday where we partake in glorious feasts, long naps and many, many slices of Pumpkin Pie. Obviously the one time colonists and Indians were able to be friendly with each other deserves celebration while we ignore the mass genocide and destruction of culture taking place right after the meal. With food. Lots and lots of food. Because food heals all. But we digress, on this day in modern connotation, many people hold the tradition of declaring aloud what they are grateful for in their lives. While this may seem cheesy to many (ourselves included), it’s important every once in a while to take a look at the things in your life that make waking up every morning worthwhile.

Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can be thankful for warm cups of tea and cool morning breezes. And those three special words that make the loneliness go away. And the simple emoticons in life like o 3 o and XD and ^ ^ that always bring smiles in darkness. And conversations about nothing that mean absolutely everything. And those moments that make your heart flip and remind you why you fell for them in the first place. And silly jokes no one understands but you (bunp). And those days where you’re hair’s a mess, you didn’t feel like putting on makeup, you’re still wearing PJs at five in the evening, and you haven’t brushed your teeth and they still tell you you’re beautiful. And that feeling they give you that makes you feel like your the only person in the world. And the feeling that if they were the only person in the world, you’d never be lonely again. And the shiver that runs through you whenever you think of their smile. And how you can’t help but laugh at the silly things they do even on the worst of days. And the way all your worries melt away as soon as you hear their voice. And how everything you see reminds you of them in ways only you could understand. And how they understand all your quirks and find ways of making you feel better about them. And how the little victories seem so much more meaningful than the big ones. And how your biggest argument is over what to put on pancakes or the proper way to eat a salad. And how you still can’t help but smile every time you see their face. And of course, the fact that there is someone out there who understands you, sometimes even more than you understand yourself.

Sometimes with greater distance comes a greater understanding of the importance of the seemingly small and insignificant. Details lost in the greater sea of life sometimes become the only things that help you make it through the day. And many times though we take these nuances, subtleties for granted, simple accessories to our lives, we mustn’t forget their impact on the greater whole. Life is rarely comprised of the stuff of epics, great battles of love and honor. It’s routine. It’s simple. And it’s mundane. An attention to detail can make all the difference. So this Thanksgiving, forget the big things. Look for the little things. So until next time, let your monitor have the wishbone, and have a Happy Thanksgiving. We’ll see you next week.

P.S. I Love You

My article last week had all kinds of problems with it and for that I apologize. It was late, it was filler material, it was short, and I forgot my typical P.S. at the end. So this week, it’s all one big P.S. If you don’t mind, I will ignore you today, my dear readers, and talk to Sabrael himself. Thanks for your indulgence, I’ll get back to you guys next week. Until next time, sing to your headphones for once and have a great weekend.

P.S. – Sabrael, I can’t even tell you how much you have meant to me these last few weeks. I’ve had a deluge of essays, tests, and pointless confrontations. I’ve gone days without food. I’ve had crazy arguments with my parents. I’ve had nightmares. I’ve called you in tears. Through all of that, you were always right there with me. I called and texted at all hours of the day and night and you always knew exactly the right thing to say. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.

Not being able to see you has been so much harder than I ever thought it would be. I figured, we talked for months before with never seeing each other but I’ve been spoiled. Practically anytime I wanted I had the ability to push a button and see your adorable face smiling back at me. I could hear your voice whenever I wanted. I steal so much strength from your smiles. It’s impossible for me to feel weak or sad or lonely when I see them.

Monday was our 3rd month-iversary, a small step for most but a big one for me. Not only are you now, officially, my longest relationship but you’re the only one I’ve bothered to keep up a timeline with. All my past relationships where a hassle. I had to force myself to care, I was annoyed whenever I was around them, and it was a constant stress to keep things together. It was a little bewildering at first to realize how genuinely happy you make me (still the idiot grin lingers ^ ^). We don’t play games (well, we only play fun ones!), we don’t cut corners, we’re honest and straightforward, we’re simple and sweet. The way love is supposed to be.

I love you so much Sabrael. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for keeping me sane(relatively). Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for being the wonderful person you are and sharing him with me.

P.P.S. – I loved your article on Monday. It made me happier than you can imagine and I walked around with my idiot grin all day long. I’m looking forward to working on another awesome Wednesday post with you next week and an end to all my fillers. <3 Muah!

S.W.A.K.: Sealed With A Kiss

Hello my dear Readers, while I had an interesting topic in mind for my post this week, I decided to sun you, as well as Sorcha, with a SUPRISE ARTICLE. Now, an interesting point of news is that my Laptop, a sub-par Sony VAIO named Ginbana, was recently dealt an injury in the screen department. Now this left me little time to work on my article this week, but that isn’t the reason for this filler. Upon hearing of my blight, my dearest Sorcha informed me of a spare laptop she had, also plagued with screen damage, but much, much less than mine. Along with a few other choice items she had meant to send me, she decided to send it all to me in one quaint package. Now I expected this package to take some time, but I was lucky enough to receive it this weekend. Now aside from the laptop, with a more than workable screen to be honest (so why am I blaming my laptop loss?), there a few other parcels, but let us start at the beginning. KidRobot, a simple Gateway Laptop with an awesome keyboard, was my second biggest treat. Covered in decorative stickers, something I’ve never been able to bring myself to do with Ginbana. Adorable glitter monkeys and the knowledge that the world was being made better one organic pajama at a time. Now my laptop will be fixed soon, but I have chosen to make it my goal to restore KidRobot to a better condition, because she is an adorable laptop, and who knows, may serve me much better in the future than Ginbana can since Ginbana is suffering from a bad battery.

Also included in my package was a shirt bearing a rare triple entendre and a more than epic set of tea. But despite these two very nice gifts, I think the third best gift was a small soft fox who goes by the name of Volly. Volly will now be my companion until I can get to my Sorcha, and it means very much to me. When I saw her in the box I did a sort of acrobatic maneuver off the handle and into her heart, and she into mine (You get points for knowing where this is from). So then we have number two and three, what was the number one item in my package? Why the letter. Hastily written on a torn out sheet from a spiral bound notebook, and as the title says, sealed with a kiss. Now even Sorcha claims that this letter was hastily written and not her best, but it still meant so much to me. I’ve never gotten many letters, hand delivered or otherwise, and I appreciate them all. So have a letter from Sorcha was part of the reason I was excited when the package arrived (with the laptop coming in a very close second). Letters are forgotten in this world of ‘now’. And now that I have seen hers, my dilemma on what to put into a letter has been solved.

So what was the point of this article? That my girlfriend is awesome and I love it when she writes to me. You thought there was another point? I’m just gloating. So until next week, give your spell check some flowers, and have a great week.

P.S. Expect a letter in return my Honeybee, I’m not sure if my idea will work, but we will see. Your letter made me smile, and I’ve been rereading it all morning. You are the best thing to have ever happened in my life, and I would never give you up. Not for all the tea in china, not for all the books of the world, not for all the stars in the night sky. <3

The Poets

It’s been a hard week. I mean, a really hard week. There were assignments and arguments and apprehensions and assurances. No, that’s not really an excuse for me not to have provided you with a real post this week and I apologize for it. I promise that I will have a real new post next Friday and Part 2 of The Nightmare will be coming soon (hopefully on time, unlike this bothersome filler). So here, for your enjoyment, are the first two poems we sent each other way back in August, a couple of weeks into our relationship. Hope you like them and I promise I’ll do something for real next week. Until then, make sure to hug your monitor, and have a great weekend.

"You Make Me Think of Beautiful Things (Like Strawberries)"by Sabrael D. Carroll

A rabbit once did run and hide, from the world he saw,
Until the day a foxy came and took him by the paw.

Said she to him, "I do believe we have yet to meet.
I'll show you fun and happiness, and things oh so sweet.
Now I know I am a fox, and you should indeed be scared,
But you'll find I'm different," or so the Fox declared.
Like the stirring waters, I'll change all you think you know.
You'll see you'll like it all, along with what I'll show."

The Rabbit flinched, but took her paw, resolving to be brave,
He wanted to be different, be strong, and not just Fear's slave.
And with a smile the Rabbit spoke, though not sure what to say,
He found himself so happy in the world he lost just yesterday.
And so the Rabbit and the Fox did play for quite some time,
But this isn't the end, not yet you see, there is more to this rhyme.

The Rabbit said to the Fox, after many years had gone,
"You freed me from my prison and showed me a new dawn.
I am glad you came to me that day, once long ago,
And if you were to go, I would certainly be in woe.
I love you dearly I find, and I do so without regret,
Because we are a matched pair, together in a set.
Whenever I think of you, only one thing comes to mind,
The peace and happiness, without you I wouldn't find.
You showed me many things like how the blue jay sings,
And when I think of you, I think of beautiful things."

"Red"by Sorcha G. Dubhsioc

The fox tried always to be gentile
But it never went her way
Her teeth were much too sharp
So from soft flesh she'd stay

Though Bun broke through her defense
And caution she did not heed
She was so careless when they played
And from his side he did bleed

I'm so sorry Bun she did cry
I never meant to hurt you
I am a wild animal
And don't know all I can do

I cannot promise you that it
Will never happen again
But know I will always love you
Emotion I cannot feign

So please heal fast and know that I
Am always here just for you
To piece you back together
When I play too rough with you

Red String Nightmares, Part 1

Allow me to explain a few details that you may like to know before I begin. She was complicated. She was my ex. Now twice ex. She was the love of my life, she owned me in ways she herself may probably never know. She was special to me in many ways, and without warning, she broke me. Tossing me aside like garbage, one night we were love birds on a honeymoon, the next, I was sitting in the grass, shaking from an invisible cold wondering why my world was being destroyed. She broke me, made me empty and hollow. I doubted I could ever love anyone like I once loved her. I grew depressed, I grew sick, and I was more tired than I had ever been in my life.

Needless to say, this was a woman who ruined my life, and for a long time, she never even entered my thoughts until that night. It was August 10th, 2010. I woke up and I stared long and hard at the ceiling. I had a dream about her. Something that hadn’t happened in a long while. And I didn’t know why. I was 10 days in Los Angeles, and true, my girlfriend at the time was completely missing. We hadn’t spoken since the first, when we said our goodbyes at the airport. But the dream wasn’t bad, it was so casual, and that was what bothered me. So in the back of my head she lingered, and I had this overwhelming urge to see her, speak to her, try and have a civil conversation. But I also knew that would be impossible, I knew if I saw her my frustration and anger would bubble to the surface and I wouldn’t be able to be civil with her. So I didn’t even give the thought any action. But still she bothered me, she remained in my thoughts all day, and she distracted me.

But something great happened. I sat down at my laptop, and the greatest person in the world was online. Sorcha was always someone I was glad to talk to, and despite initial reservations in our conversation, she soon learned of all my thoughts, even those I had yet to admit t anyone else. She helped me collect my mind, gather my thoughts and made my day much easier. Keep in mind that this was 5 days before we became official. But that day, I felt something special stir in me. With her words she took my heart and breathed love into it. She quelled my worries and I felt renewed. I felt like the world was in my reach, and Sorcha was the one who put it there. She knew more of my dark history than I ever cared to admit to anyone else at the time, and she didn’t run away. She didn’t see me as odd or strange. She accepted me, something few people who knew the truth could. And while I didn’t say it then, that was one of the days I longed to have her by my side, so I could take her into my arms and hold her close and tell her how much she truly meant to me. This was one of the moments that drew our red string of fate taught, and brought us closer. I would never have opened myself up to anyone else, and I am glad I did with her. It still means so much to me now. If you ever feel like you can’t share something, always share it with the one you love, they can surprise you with their understanding. Until next time, don’t neglect your router, and have a great week.

P.S. I miss you when I wake up. I miss you when I fall asleep. I miss you when I have to say goodbye. I miss you when you tell me you’ll be right back. I miss you in between words. In between letters. In between breaths. I miss you now. But even so, I cherish every moment I get to spend with you. I love you Sorcha. <3

(This is continued in a later article: Red String Nightmares, Part 2.)

I Miss You

I don't know that it's been explicitly stated but no, Sabrael and I haven't met IRL (god, I hate that phrase so much. I don't know why but it just seems so grating...) For the first several months of our friendship, all our communication was strictly texual (IM, email, RP, etc). Then after we started dating, we moved onto Skype and phone calls. Essentially whenever he is awake, I have myriad of ways to get a hold of him. He is rarely out of communicable reach. As am I, particularly since I'm lucky enough to have a Blackberry, or 'smart phone' if you will.

You would think that with all this accessibility to someone you have never physically met, it would be impossible to miss them. That's not exactly true. There are connotations to the word miss that you can only feel it for someone close to you who is no longer nearby so maybe it's not exactly the right word to use. However, to be exact, the word miss is defined by Merriam-Webster as 'to discover or feel the absence of.'

I feel the absence of Sabrael every day. Every morning that I wake up and he's not beside me, I miss him. Whenever I'm sitting in class and remember a silly joke he told me, I miss him. When I'm staring at the contents of my refrigerator, wondering how to construct them into a semi-decent meal, I miss him. It's usually at that exact moment that he sends me a texts gets online, or calls me and it always brings a smile to my face. As long as he is around, physically or not, I don't feel so alone in the world. My world just makes so much more sense with him in it.

Until next week, don't abandon your keyboards for too long, and have a great weekend!

P.S. - Doing the playlist post was so much fun, love. We need to do some more late night writing sometime. ^ ^ I had tons of fun just getting the chance to hang out with you so much this week and I can't wait til that becomes a permanent thing. Love you dearest! <3 Good luck on your next article!

Sounds of Affection: Music as Communication

In an online romance, sounds and text are more important than anything else. Often text can be misread since there is no intonation and body language, but even sound runs this risk. A tired spoken word can seem bored, or uncaring, or annoyance can be conveyed in words when a distraction is bothering the speaker. I will admit, I put much stock into tone and pitch of Sorcha’s voice, and I’m pleased to find I can now tell the difference between tired and annoyed. But of all the sounds that can be traded between far off lovers, Music can be the most romantic. As you all read in our special post last week, Music means a lot to us, though sometimes we take different things from it, we still understand the intent. Now, I know for a fact music is a big part of both Sorcha’s life and my own as well. We are both amateur musician’s (i.e. we take it as a hobby, near the bottom of both our lists of hobbies), but we are also the kind of people who would gladly have a soundtrack for our life.

Music can convey feelings, memories and thoughts. Being reminded of Sorcha when I hear lines like: “And I do believe it’s true, that there are roads left in both of our shoes. But if the silence takes you, then I hope it takes me too,” always makes me smile. So why not share that song with her, and let her know, “Whenever I listen to this song, I smile, and your the only person who I think of... and It’s now hit over 9000 plays in Windows Media Player.” I will admit, I have my listening trends and they shift from time to time, but nothing makes me happier than double-clicking that certain playlist and just closing my eyes and basking in my thoughts. Now will I stop doing this one I have Sorcha within arms reach? Never! I’ll just play it on my speakers instead of on my headphones, hold her close, and think about how lucky I am to have her in my arms at last.

So then, what is the point of explaining what many people probably know? Nothing. But for those who didn’t, now you know. Music is a way you can tell someone you love them, and your thinking of them, without having to say it. If you can still remind them through a simple gesture or action, then you have spent a day doing the most important thing, and should be proud. So until next time, keep your Media Players happy, and have a great week.

P.S. My dearest Sorcha, I love you, and I had a wonderful time doing last weeks post side by side with you. I can’t wait to do it again next month. You mean the world to me, and I look forward to your post this Friday. <3