A Farewell to the Holidays, Pt 2

When my original plan to go visit Sab and Jhovanny for the holidays fell through, to put it lightly I wasn’t pleased. I have the unfortunate burden of being a stress shopper so I promptly went out and spent all the money I’d been saving for the trip. For the first time I bought myself Christmas presents (those of you know know me well may know that I typically feel great guilt buying things for myself, not this time). Though since I had a month long winter break before I needed to be back in classes, I realized I was going to have to find something fun to do or my brains might explode from boredom. My parents and sister had already been planning a trip out to Ohio to visit my Grandparents so I convinced my Dad, on the way back, to drop me off in Indiana so I could visit some of my High School friends.

I am neither an introvert nor an extrovert. I am a curious mix of the two (a woman of contradictions remember). My extroverted side was excited, I would get to see family and friends that I hadn’t been able to in months if not years. However my introverted side was completely unaware that she would go through the most intense torture she’d been faced with since that one semester she’d thought it would be a good idea to become an RA. I did not have a single moment where I could be completely alone over the next two weeks. I slept on couches, shared beds, and napped in train seats. Even asleep I had no privacy. There were many car trips, some where I, a tiny girl of 5’2” had to squeeze to fit my legs in around the people, junk, and car parts. There was rarely viable internet so I couldn’t keep up with my YouTube subscriptions, writing (including this blog), work emails, and, the one that wore on me the most, Sabrael. There was even a time where the texting on our phones decided to give out and service was unreliable so I think our longest calls lasted about 10 minutes before they were dropped. These were some of the hardest two weeks I’ve had to endure in a long time but, also one of the best vacations I’ve ever been on.

As my friend Rachel so tastefully put it, “There was a time when you were so far up Sab’s ass, you didn’t talk to any of us.” And as much as I hate to admit this, it’s true. I’m already really bad about keeping up with old friends (when you move approximately every 3 years and have gone to four different schools in the last 6, old friends tend to pile up) already but I tend to let them drop even more when something new comes along. Not that I’m trying to replace them, but I’m just lazy and to be honest kind of selfish. When Sab came around, I’d already begun to push my friends away. I was in a bad place and really just didn’t want to deal with anyone. By the time things started to change for me, I’d fallen into a pattern.

I love Sab, with all of my heart, but that doesn’t mean I get to neglect other people who need me. I’ve got to learn to balance both sides of my life because I couldn’t bear to let either of them go. So for my January Goal (per my resolutions) that’s what I’m going to do, balance out my life. I’m going to work at staying in touch with my friends better, write letters, emails, texts, and check up on them from time to time. Then Sab and I have decided that we need some time just for us. We spend a lot of time working on projects, school work, and just generally being distracted. So every week we’re going to take some time and shut everything else down for a little while. I don’t want to neglect any of my relationships this year. So until next time, spend some quality time with your web cam, and have a great weekend.

P.S. - Sabrael, I cannot put into words how much I’ve missed you over this vacation. I am so glad that I am back, 1600 miles somehow feels so much closer than 1800. We got some great things planned over the next couple of months and I’m really looking forward to being there with you and seeing how things work out. Just don’t ever forget that I love you and you are always in my thoughts. Thanks for always being there for me when I need you, supporting me in all I do, and keeping me from rewriting this article again. <3