The 'L' Word

"So, before I give myself more time to over analyze (a common pastime of mine) and go through ever possible what if situation in my head I'm just going to go for it. For once I'm just going to say how I feel and worry about the consequences later. I love you too Sab." - Sorcha G. Dubhsioc, August 15, 2010

I love you.

Three of the most common words in the English language. In all their varied forms they can create an infinity of meanings but they never seem so powerful as when they're strung together. I've said that sentence countless time before to family and friends, both in sincerity and sarcasm. However, the way I said it on August 15, 2010 was very different from any way I'd ever said it before.

That's the great and terrible thing about the word love. It's not a constant. The way you love your dog is not the same way you love ice cream or the way you love that book you just read. Other languages tend to get more specific with their definitions of love like querer and amar in Spanish or eros and agape in Greek.

That's why love is so complicated. It's easy to know that you love but it's hard to know why, how, or even if you should. I loved Sabrael from the moment I met him but the love I have now is not the same as it was then. It's not even the same as it was last month or last week. Love is not static, it's dynamic and always changing. It is when love becomes fixed and settled that it begins to die.

I can't give you tips or clues. I can't tell you how to hold onto your love forever, I'm not even sure if I know how to do that for myself. Love just doesn't work that way. Just as it is different among all the things that you 'love' it's different among all the people who love. That's because love isn't an emotion. It's a conglomeration of feelings, experiences, interpretations, and observations. It's messy and complicated and irrational. It will never be easy but that's what makes it fun.

Considering how severe my control issues are, telling you that I loved you, Sabrael, was one of the scariest things I've ever done in my life. And every day I'm so grateful that I did. Every day I tell it to you again not to remind you but because every day I fall in love with you all over again. And I never want that to end.

So until next time add all the words for love to your custom dictionary and have a great weekend.

P.S. - Per usual, this week came bundled up with it's own set of problems and difficulties but still I woke up this morning with a huge smile on my face as I thought of you. You've been so patient and gentle with me and I can't tell you what that meant to me. It was nice having a bit of a week off from crazy projects and just be able to relax with you in my down time. I'm really excited though about the next few articles we have coming up and I can't wait to work on them with you. Oh! Also, congrats on landing the new job! I'm so proud of you! I know you'll be amazing at it. <3